For health...for happiness...and not just your own,
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Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat do I put in my Bottle Bidet?Water. Just water. Get a temperature that pleases you going in the sink and fill up the bottle. Do not use anything else. Water is the only thing. Just water. Nice clear water. And at whatever temperature feels good to you: cool, tepid, warm. Just water. Are we all clear on that? Water is delicious, and so naturally it would be all you would use. We do not recommend adding anything at all to water in your
Bottle Bidet. Be careful to not use water that is too hot or too
cold. You will not like it at all. What does a Bottle Bidet look like?The Bottle Bidet itself is a plastic, squeezably soft bottle
with an angle spout. The glamorous storage tote is a perfectly
sized purse with a strap that allows for easy carrying, or for
hanging on a doorknob or hook. See photos on the front, buy and
accessories pages. What is a "bidet"?A traditional bidet is a wash sink for your butt (by which we mean the whole nether region). It has the general appearance of a wierd toilet, and is often mistaken for one by Americans. Which has led to a lot of jokes, leading yanks to believe that a bidet is a silly thing. It is not silly at all. Bidets are popular in France because people like to have sex there, and do not necessarily have the time or inclination to shower between events. Actually, the French don't have much inclination to shower in the first place. But that is neither here nor there. Even if one showered morning, noon and night, one still might like to clean things up around 10 am and again around 3 in the afternoon and still again around 3:45, depending on how the day panned out, and of course a nice wash before bed after a wild night out. OR! you might want to clean things up first thing when you wake up and use the toilet, and for the same reason you might brush your teeth real quick, before climbing back into bed... I think you can see where we are going with this... You can shower for the day when you get up for real. You'll need it. Or you might be the sort of person that does not always care to hop in the shower. How nice to have a way to be clean where it counts without making the commitment a real shower entails. It is surprising how clean one feels if one is clean in the important places. Residents of the USA take it as a matter of pride that they shower two, three, even four times a day. Such a bad idea for so many reasons, and it does not appear that they are having sex anymore frequently than French people as a result. Au contraire. Plus, the overuse of water resources is a great ill on the American continent, and over-showering must be part of it or the authorities wouldn't have forced those horrid, flow-restricting showerheads on us. So, use a bidet--Bottle Bidet or otherwise--on several of the
occasions when you might have otherwise taken a shower. You will
save thousands of gallons of water, lower your bills, improve the
environmental impact of humans on the earth, and be fresher and
cleaner where it counts. Bonus: You will feel far less guilty about
having disabled the flow restrictor. (While you are freshening up,
use some rubbing alcohol on the underarm region. It kills the
bacteria responsible for odor, and you will be cleaner than a
shower would have done in the first place.) How does a bidet work?A traditional bidet is a wash sink at toilet level. The water emerges from a spout in the middle of the "bowl". You turn on the water using the faucets at the back, get the temperature to your liking, and then sort of squat over it and wash yourself in any manner that suits you. You then dry yourself off with a towel. There are, in recent years, little devices that retrofit onto
the edge of a toilet which, according to the manufacturers, turn
your toilet into a bidet. Well, sort of. The water is cold, or at
best room temperature, which can feel pretty cold on your warm
parts, and there is something attached to the smooth ceramic of
your toilet. Oh dear. Now you don't have a real toilet OR a real
bidet! Why not get a real bidet?If you can afford to have a bidet in your bathroom, go ahead. It is a very nice amenity, and it will make the neighbors think you are rich or of worldly sophistication. Of course, if you have a real bidet you will get used to being fresh and clean at every moment. Then you will certainly want to get a Bottle Bidet for when you are not in that particular bathroom. But, sure! Get a real bidet if you are so inclined. They cost $300+ for the porcelain object, and can be installed by someone with plumbing skills anywhere you have space and available plumbing. Alternatively, the retrofit devices cost from perhaps $60 to $150. We have a few reservations about this idea, including the cold water but also the disturbing visual aspect of a mechanical addition to the toilet, and of course cleaning concerns. Manufacturers swear the devices self-clean before and after every use, but that just seems a little hopeful. Cleaning smooth ceramic is easy enough, and still not a favorite chore. No, I definitely don't want to also clean a mechanical device in that situation. In any case, a device under the seat of the toilet could freak
out guests. You'll have to judge all this for yourself. It seems
like alot of complication for a very simple task. Well, what's so great about a Bottle Bidet?The idea is to clean the "butt", all its divine little parts,
with clean, fresh water. The Bottle Bidet does this and nothing
else, and does not disturb your life in any way. Plus, it can be
used anywhere, including on road trips or long, busy days. The
Bottle Bidet is filled with water at the sink, where you can choose
the temperature to your exact preference. Marvelous! And when you
are not using it, it can be in a drawer or cupboard, or in its own
sweet little storage purse, which you can put in a drawer or hang
on a hook or a doorknob, or whatever suits you. Oh! you cannot
imagine until you have tried it, how delightful a perfectly warm
wash of water feels. Or cool water on a hot day. Anyway, it's
pretty great, plus the Bottle Bidet is portable, cheap and takes
next to no time. Come to think of it, it is a little strange that
you do not already have something for this purpose. Better get a
Bottle Bidet today. Buy one now. Can't I just use any old squirt bottle?Sure you can. Or so we have heard. And if you are being superfrugal--and believe you me, I have been there--you can probably use one of those condiment squirt bottles to good effect, and they can probably be had for a few dollars at the dollar store. I think that is a great idea, and I think everyone should have something for this purpose, even if it is not an ideal something. The Bottle Bidet is dreamy and perfect for this use, though, because of its angled spout. You hold the bottle upside down and squeeze, and all is well. The water goes where it should, and you have fantastic control over the direction and the water pressure. Straight spouts are less convenient, less graceful, less efficient. But they are cheaper, true. And cheap is surely more important than convenience sometimes. Oh, you don't have to tell me about that. Hey, if you decide to go this direction, you might use some
funky old purse for storage and carrying, and you could cut up an
old t-shirt to make mini-cloths for drying. Maybe 4-5" square.
Don't cut up an old towel unless you have the patience to stitch
around all the sides. Terrycloth unravels horribly in the wash if
you don't stabilize the edges with a zig zag stitch or a serger. Do
you even know what I'm talking about? Trust me. Just use an old
T-shirt. Very soft on the parts, that will be. Good luck! Wait a minute... Isn't this really a "douche"?No. It really isn't. A douche is a contraption designed to wash the inside of a woman, which is a very different job than washing the outside of a man or a woman. For starters, a douche sprays water in every direction, for obvious reasons, while a bottle bidet sprays water in only one, easily controlled direction. Also for obvious reasons. Plus, people use all sorts of recipes for douching, whereas we
only recommend pure clean water for your bottle bidet. Choose your
temperature, from cool in the summer, to tepid, to nice and warm in
the winter. Yum. Why are mini-cloths so small, and wouldn't a washcloth be fine?Hmmm. Well. One is going to want to dry off while one is still seated, so water doesn't go anywhere it doesn't need to. The dimensions of that situation make a washcloth a little too big and awkward. Something smaller worked better. You can certainly get away with using a washcloth, though, or better yet, cut up a t-shirt into squares and use that. (Mini-cloths are also great for wiping down the underarm region
with rubbing alcohol, which is our other favorite way to freshen up
without taking a shower. In truth, soap and water does not kill the
bacteria that makes an underarm stink, so you might do this before
or after taking a shower, too.) What about those pre-packaged wipes?They are fine, I suppose. But they do not compare to clear warm
water when the goal is "delicious". Many of them might even be
irritating to delicate tissues. The best choice, if you are to go
that direction, is Preperation H wipes, as the only ingredient on
them is witch hazel, which is a fine thing for cleaning body parts.
Again, not as fresh and clean as 16 ounces of warm water, but in
some cases better than nothing. Why don't you have a selection of totes for me to choose from like normal retailers?We make our glamorous storage totes from scraps of fabulous fabric left over from the studios of Ideal Garment and a marvelous upholsterer in the neighborhood. If we had to buy such fabric, you would be paying much more for the tote. Or we would have to use much less lovely stuff. Plus, since each tote is nearly unique, the chances that anyone would spot yours hanging on a doorknob and say "Aha! a Bottle Bidet!" is pretty much zero. We like to be delicious, but we also like to be discreet and mysterious. In any case, we think it is super-cool to use these scraps that
would otherwise be thrown out. Having said that, if you have a very
particular aesthetic situation, contact us we will be
accomodating. How do I care for my Bottle Bidet?There is not much care involved. It never touches your body
other than the hand that holds it, so it doesn't get grimy in any
way. If you do drop it in a puddle of mud while carrying it
somewhere, you can wash your Bottle Bidet as you would any plastic
bottle, and you can throw the glamorous storage tote in the wash.
Maybe don't put it in the dryer. It is probably fine if you do, but
just in case your fabric is ultra glamorous, just let it hang dry.
Mini-cloths go in the washer and dryer, just like any washcloth or
towel. What makes panties "scientific", and in what way are Ideal Garments "ideal"?A little beside the point, don't you think? Go to Ideal Garment &
Scientific Panty to learn all about it. In short, though, we
designed panties to do what panties are supposed to do, and not
what they should not do. And Ideal Garments are simply ideal. You
have to wear them to understand. Who the hell are you people, and how do you come up with this stuff?We are standard-issue people of regular ages and normal
education who, for a variety of reasons, are interested in how
people stuck in civilization can live more gloriously, glamorously,
deliciously, delightfully and everything good; while at the same
time reducing effort, use of resources, trouble and strife and all
things bad. Our curiosity, and necessity, has led us to some
solutions which we offer to you, here at Bottle Bidet and also at
Ideal Garment. Cheers! We'll submit better solutions when we come
up with them. Why is Ideal Garment in Kansas City? And why on Troost?Kansas City is a perfectly fine place, and somewhat forsaken so
a person has time to think and do science and figure out problems,
like what a human can wear in this contemporary world without
feeling diminished, and without breaking the bank. Troost is
lovely. You should come visit. There will be tulips everywhere in
the spring. Visit the Tulips on Troost website to see what that's
all about. |
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Bottle Bidet by Ideal Garment clean is delicious
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